Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
