I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize