i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
