I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
