Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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