i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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