We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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