for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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