I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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