I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize