I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
