Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
