The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
