I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize