My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
