He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
