look no pants
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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