my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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