Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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