i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
