a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize