Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
