He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
