You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
