Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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