im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the day after is always just damage control
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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