Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
