1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
