I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
