Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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