he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
