I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
