Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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