She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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