Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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