It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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