I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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