people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize