my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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