some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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