i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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