I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
