You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
