3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
