i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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