I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize