In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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