FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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