i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
