Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Enjoy the penises
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
