it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
