why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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