I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
