I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
