I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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