Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
