I want to make a zoo with you.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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