I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
being pregnant is like rehab
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
