I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
