I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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