Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
