Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
