I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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