I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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