No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
