he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
