AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
