I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
