do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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