ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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